(and now the exciting conclusion!):


As I thought of that man who was dressed like a bum,
I asked myself why he had bothered to come.

Then I felt the cigar that I clutched in my hand,
Suddenly start to erupt and expand.

What magic is this? I wanted to know,
As the stogie continued to rumble and grow.

The cigar got real big, and it turned into wood.
I said to myself, this must be something good.

And when the cigar got as big as a hog,
I realized it had become a Yule Log.

I dropped that Yule Log on my stove with a yell,
Then it started to burn, and it started to smell.

Then I smelled the aroma of chili and beer!
It filled me with wonder and grace and good cheer.

That magical log and its magical smoke
Settled over my home like a miracle cloak.


Then I looked in the flames, and I saw all the faces
Of all my old friends, in all the old places.

I smiled a big smile, and was all filled with joy --
Like stealing my first Christmas tree as a boy.

That cop saved my Christmas, and gave me new hope,
When I thought I had come to the end of my rope.

Then, I knew -- tho' it all seemed a little bit sick --
That the man in the raincoat was really Saint Nick!

Since then, I've gone straight, and I've stayed out of jail,
Got a wife and a kid, and I work without fail.

And many's the Christmas I've spent in our home,
Thinking back to that night with that magical gnome.

And I always give thanks for my Christmas Eve spree
With Lieutenant Columbo, L.A.P.D.

THERE IT IS!!! Was wondering when it was gonna show up!! Thanks Ted and the happiest of holidays to you and everyone.

Haha, well it had been on my mind but I figured a week out was OK. I didn't want to be like Macy's or something, trying to start the season right after Halloween. Thanks for the feedback, Fred, and wishing all the season's best to you and to everyone here.

nice job. was there ever a thought about having a Columbo episode geared around the holidays?

Not that I've heard of, although there was a short story on the old "Just One More Paragraph" fan-fiction site (now sadly gone) on this theme. The story began with the discovery of a dead Santa impersonator with his South Pole sticking out of his pants. I remember it because the author included a wisecrack about it from a character he kindly named "Sergeant Kerin." Anyway the omission is remarkable considering we tend to expect a Christmas episode from any series that lasts 2 or 3 years, and "Columbo" was around, in one form or another, for about 35 years.

I hope everyone had a great Christmas!