MY TIPS FOR THE MURDERERS!

Firstly, I'm an avid fan of columbo, I liked every episode I saw(I think I almost saw them all except for a few newer ones)... anyways I notice that the murder's always seem to trip up but if they would just follow these simple tips I think Columbo would have a much tougher time:


TIP #1: Do NOT TRY TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE AN ACCIDENT OR GET ACCOMPLISES INVOLVED THAT ARE KNOWN TO YOU!!! Columbo is a super-sleuth that can tie the wrong amount of dust below a clock to a double-murder by a jealous husband. Don't try to outsmart him by planting evidence and/or using accomplis's that will slip up while communicating with other's.

TIP #2: DO NOT BEFRIEND COLUMBO. Do not buy him ties, offer him lunch or let him stay at your house! Be friendly within reason but do not go out of your way to accomodate him!!!

TIP #3: DO NOT HELP COLUMBO SOLVE THE CRIME!!. My favorite part of the show is when Columbo ask's the unsuspecting "suspect" questions about the crime, "Why did this happen," or "What I can't understand is:" or "My captain needs something to write on the report and I just can't figure it out"....", this is the biggest trap that victim's fall into, they know they did it but they try to theorize way's the crime "Could" have been committed that is always opposite from the way they committed it. PLUS when COLUMBO is coming to you for "tips" on the case, he's really just getting you to self-incriminate.

TIP #4: AVOID COLUMBO. Do not tell your secretary that you will be at such and such a place so Columbo can just "drop in" on you. So many episodes Columbo just appears out of nowhere because he "heard" that the person would be there, and it's always with one small detail that snowball's into more mystery solving.

TIP #5: DO NOT TRY TO OUTSMART COLUMBO!.. So many times, Columbo will be getting close to the truth so the crook will try to throw him off, almost always this just gives Columbo more evidence against the murderer.

TIP #6: CALL COLUMBO's BOSS. If Columbo keeps harrasing you, simply tell on him and his idiot superior's will TEMPORARILY try to get him side tracked, giving you time to maneuver.

TIP #7: DON'T MURDER OTHER PEOPLE WHEN COLUMBO IS ON THE CASE. Sometimes the murderer will get over cautious and commit additional un-necessary murder's WHILE Columbo is already on the case. This is a very stupid move since Columbo usually solves the case twice as fast when more people start dying.

TIP #8: DON'T FALL FOR THE BLUFF!, Towards the end of the episode and especially with tough to catch suspect's, Columbo will BLUFF and PLANT evidence. Almost always the evidence is exactly what the murderer used/knows about that helped commit the murder but Columbo bluffs!! Good example is the chemical under the tooth episode where columbo claims that he played with his nephew's chemistry set all night to find out that a certain drug mixed with a certain chemical turns the tooth blue. So to BLUFF the murderer he get's a dental examiner to extract the molar from the murder victim to do this same litmus test, just as the dentist begin's, the murderer confess's the crime.
I have'nt done the calculation but I would bet that 65% of Columbo's convictions come from admissions of guilt!!!!

What do you think of my tips? any additions/deletions???

Joe.. ( A BIG Columbo Fan!)

This is similar to a couple of your already wonderful tips. When Columbo starts talking about his wife, nephews, and other family, recognize this as a tactic to (a) delay you and/or put you off guard, and (2) give him time to process significant information with his "grey" cells while entertaining/distracting you with seemingly insignificant small talk.

Terrific post Joe. I particularly liked #4 "AVOID COLUMBO". That happens so often. I can think of so many examples where Columbo just shows up out of the blue to restaurants, parks, murderers homes, airports..etc. Why don't these people just keep their whereabouts to themselves.

All great The only thing I could add is just:

"Don't **** Columbo Off"!

Word Police got me

The word is P*I*S*S

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Replying to:

All great The only thing I could add is just:

"Don't **** Columbo Off"!

Geesh! It's a normal bodily function!!

What do men do standing up
Women do sitting down and
Dogs with one leg raised?

Shake hands!!!

I knew I heard this joke before but I couldn't remember what the punchline was. I even did a search for it!!

Another tip: Never under any circumstances confess! Most of Columbo's solutions won't stand up in court so long as you have a good lawyer.

EXCELLENT!!!!! Especially #3!