hi every1,
im new to this site n just wondered if any1 can give me some advice...
i have a 3yr old son n twin girls who are 5mths i was diagnosed with pnd a couple of months ago but they think i have been suffering since i had my son. i seem to be loosing it more n more lately i can't seem to keep my cool, especially at my bf he really winds me up sometimes, then i bite back n then he ends up loosing he's temper n then tells me its all because of me and i need to learn to change the way i am, the thing is i think he's using my pnd to he's advantage!! i no i can have extreme mood swings sometimes but i don't think he realizes i can't help them. i feel like no1 understands the way i am or why i am the way i am, i am trying my best and taking all the options available to me- i just don't seem to be getting very much better. pls hlp! xxxx

hi... iv been there n been doing that for the past year. i have 3 girls age 7, 2 and nearly a year now. like you i felt so angry and irritable most of the time, with the kids, with my partner and everyone else. felt irritable as if i was a ticking time bomb ready to explode and when that frame of mind is there and something makes it worse i counldnt help but fly into a rage and id be sniping and shouting and then end up gulity and crying and crying... its a vicious cycle. i was put on meds at start of feb and i can honestly tell you that its only now that i am starting to feel a bit like myself.. kinda getting little glimpses of the normal care free me for short bursts at a time. dont get me wrong i still have mornings where i dont think i can get up to face the day and id love to just hide under the covers but now i can get up a bit easier as i dont think my sleep is as disrtupted although baby is still waking up i can now get back to sleep not like since she was born. its bound to be tough looking after your 3 kids. i know that mine are hard to manage at times. i went to a counseller and im thje first to admit that i thought it wouldnt help that it was a waste of time but the deep bresathing techniques and distraction technique for when i found myself getting anxious or my thoughts were racing and i was imaging all these horrible things happening... it was weird. they still catch up with me sometimes but now i feel better able to control them a little and it doesnt send me into a downward spiral of days feeling angry resentful irritable and literally near boiling point. i hope that you can find someone to talk to as i couldnt talk to my partner, he just did not know how to try to help. in the end it was easier to talk to other women, especially mums... u can contact me anytime... im in ireland. plz dont do what i did... thats hiding from yourself and everyone and hoping it will all go away. it didnt for me, but now that im honest with myself i am beginning to feel a whole lot better. not just quite back to the old me but how can i expect to be the old me when i now have 3 kids, a dog, a partner and a full time job (that i have just gone back to in the last few wks)i cant be what i used to be but i can do the best i can to be a nicer person and a good mum (not super mum with a **** n span house and angel like children in pig tails!!! i couldnt keep up with that!!)

My husband now thinks that because I have been diagnosed with PND that all the problems in our relationship were my fault & that once I have recovered that we will be back to how we were when we were newlyweds...he doesn't seem to understand that he has to shoulder some of the blame for us not getting along so well lately & the more he piles the blame entirely onto me the worse it is going to be once I am better!

it definately tough, especially when the one person you always thought would back you up is piling on the blame too... have you let him read the advice on this website or even on the forums coz its really hard to open up when you feeling so hurt inside... you start to begrugde someone else being happy coz you cant be happy within yourself and it definately stresses the 'partner' one too but if he is anything like mine he'll try keep his head down,,,, little or no discussion especially bout how you are feeling coz it always ends in tears doensnt it??? and him trying to stay outta the way... by that i mean him trying to keep as busy outta the house as possible... the mans way being out of sight out of mind... unfortunately for us that doesnt work. i really hope things work out for you. are you on meds? have you had any counselling? i hope 2010 is a happier and more peaceful year for you and your family coz i know that 2009 was the toughest year for me... xx

Hi
I am also new to this forum have woken up this morning and feel v panicky again...thought it had got better. My little by is 5 months old now and things were very hard for the first 9 weeks. My partner and I were rowing constantly and i just felt i couldnt cope. I was crying all the time waking up in the night feeling very anxious and having panic attacks. When alfie was 9 weeks old my mum insisted i go to my GP. I am in the healthcare profession and my partner is a GP and initially had reservations that my GP would not understand or listen and just medicate me. He turned out to be amazing, very supportive and reassured me that medication would help and that it was necessary. My partner however was completely unsympathetic to how I was feeling because I was being bad tempered, aggressive and generally taking everything out on him. At best his level of support was to blame exhaustion for my behaviour and irrational thoughts. I accepted after seeing the GP and having very dark thoughts and extreme anxiety that I had PND and started taking Sertraline. I started to feel alot calmer after about 3 weeks and so much better after about 6 weeks. I too feel that my partner blames me for everything, things are ok when I am on an even keel but as soon as I have a bad few days which I did over new year and again at the moment he says the most awful things and that he wants me to move out. He has also said that my pnd is just me not coping with my new role!? Needless to say I have been awake most of the night worrying and crying about why I seem to have had a relapse when i thought I was doing so well and getting on top of things. Im not sure if these moods are pmt related too has anyone else had that? The anxious thoughts about my little boy have also returned which mainly consist of something bad happening to him or that I am not a good mother. I hate these feelings and feel v out of control again. Sorry to go on...

Hi suzie.... I got an e mail to say that u have posted on my thread.... Well I was surprised in a way coz I hadn't been on d forum for a long time... When I read my own posts it tears me apart to remember how bad I felt... How low I was... I really know how u r feeling n it's horrible to feel so so alone.. Is there an support group u can go to? Wer r u? It's reality that even though u expect people in d health service to be able to empathise with pnd they can't... As a lovely nurse told me one time.... We are the caring profession who do not give s ****... We aren't very good at looking out for each other at all. I found that wen u felt better n that things were starting to become managable that a small change could cause set back... Even someone asking bout wen I was going back to work send me into anxious thoughts of not coping. Have any big changes happened? I definately agree that pmt affects us too. I needed my mess increased 4 times in total... A lot but that's war it took. I too was on sertraline. Felt it took d dose being upped to keep me improving. I stayed on high dose for 6 months then started tapering down... Im on nights at d moment but I will definitely look out for u on forum.... X just believe u will get there..... I did....