hi all! My baby is now 11 mths old and I am so confused - i thought this would fade out but it seem to gets worse!!! I relised I had a problem months ago and been taking anti depressants for months now. My GP says is other contributing factors that i have had to cope with recently but these feelings came before, (I found that my husband had a gay interest and my parents about to split and the dealth of my grandmother) but these things I feel hav just built up on top of the PND. When my baby was 3 days old i felt the typical baby blues as all ladies but it didnt stop there - I have been so protective of her with only being 5 lbs. I was then and still now having vivid flashes of images of dropping her, falling down the staors with her, accidently spiling boiling water from the jug i warm her bottle - any dangerous senerio ive thought - VERY VERY grafic and disturbing that makes me vomit and then becoming paraniod (i'll spare the details - to horrible to write) When she had her vaccinations at 4 weeks i had to be held back by my mum to stop me punching the doctor for hurting her! I wont trust anyone with her and it kills me and I beat myself up every day at work for leaving her at nursery, i hate going out with her for the 'what ifs'could happen!! I am a intelligent 29 yr old proffesional woman and i know this completely irrational but i seem to have no control over it! then I beat my self up for not being a good mum and wrapping her up in cotton wool - my life is termoil! its a vicous circle I cant get out of its effected me proffessionally, socially and mentally --- HELP!!

hi... so sorry to hear you having a really tough time. you already on meds for months so i think you should ask about adjusting dosage or adding a different med. you sure as hell have had so so so much to deal with. no wonder you feel that you have to wrap your daughter up in cotton wool as you have no control over any of the other events relating to your parents, partner and grand parent. you are not a bad mother, you are doing the best you can to protect her from all the hurts.. both physical and emotional, you should really try counselling as i know it sounds cliche but i does definately help tp speak to someone, especially when they are outside the circle of family and friends. relaxation technidues and distraction techniques can be learned so that when you feel yourself getting anxious and having vivid flashes you can learn to control them to an extent by not letting it build up and take over... it sounds a little crazy but a good counsellor can help you learn some self help techniques. i really hope that 2010 brings you somwe peace and happiness and that the pnd gets under recovery and that you get some time to enjoy life as a professional and a mum, im a mum of 3 and a full time nurse so i know how difficult it is and i still get days where i wanna scream coz nothing is going my way and im stressed but il assure you that the good days now definately out number the bad ones. take care.