im not sure if how im feeling is pnd, but since i had my daughter 7and a half months ago ive ben feeling empty and unconnected, unconnected to every day life. i do things because i have to not because i want to. the birh of my daughter was not what i had planned, far from it. i had so wanted to have a home waterbirth, though through mistakes on the nhs's part and complications in the pregnancy i was admitted to hospital, where i had an emergency c section. recently a very close friend of mine expressed her wish to have a home waterbirth i supported her and advised as it is a big desision, though as it drew closer to her due date i begun feeling angry that she was going to get what i wanted, what i wished for. and this morning the inevitable happened, she gave birth sucessfully at home in a birthing pool, now all i want to do is cry. i feel angry because it all worked out for her, and gelous. i find myself wishing something had gone wrong for her,and i feel so bad for feeling like this. i dont know what to do.

hi
i can relate to how you are feeling
i feel un-connected from everything including my son at times, i do things cuz i have to not cuz i want to id quite happily sit all day doing nothing if i was able to.
my birth also did not go to plan, i was 2weeks early so not prepared i dialated so quickly that i cudnt have the epidural i wanted n because my labour was so quick....6hrs in total my uterus walls didnt have time to loosen and relax so i got a 4th degree tear then i was shifted around hospitals to see various specialists then when i arrived home i was told the council had a new home for me and i had to move within a day.
i feel that all this has contributed to me not having the chance to emotionally bond with my son in the beginning...the most important time....i also couldnt breastfeed as he wudnt take.
i have just been diagnosed with PND through talking my feelings thru with my health visitor i recommend you do the same, if not to just get it off your chest you may find it a relief and be able to move forward,
im finding it very hard and feel like such a bad mother because i lost my temper at my son today hes 8mnths old and its not his fault but he was crying and i cudnt cope n i shouted at him it really scared him, because of this i have decided to seek counseling as i want to have a good relationship with my son and not to get worse...i hope you do not reach this point but if you feel you are do talk to a health professional as they will know the best course of action for you.
i hope this helps to know you are not alone.