I had my daughter 5 months ago and she is my first i love her tonnes but I think i have postnatal depression. I haven't been to the doctors yet. Ive been putting it off in honesty. I have been feeling low & down, very low some days. I have no excitement in me anymore, I'm just sad and easily annoyed about anything. I get so angry and fly off the handle at my partner every day over tiny things that wouldn't usually bother me as much. We have a non existent sex life in comparison to before. I have started to cry when we have tried to make love because it just isn't the same feeling emotionally & physically. We used to have an amazing sex life before because i always felt so sexy and wanted it all the time. I used to think i had some problem that meant couldn't get pregnant (which secretly i liked) Now I just don't desire sex any more and it really REALLY upsets me. Sometimes i cant see past the day, like i cant get excited about life any more. Some days feel i like there isn't anything to look forward to anymore. Yet every day i will make effort to do things. Some days it ll be harder to get the motivation together but Ill go out with DD every day and ill eat well and exercise, find something to sell on eBay etc etc. I go to work one or two days a week and have done since DD was 11weeks old, I enjoy it because i love my job but its like a cover up of my new life by being in my old life again. Whoever i see i am great with, customers, colleges, parents, friends, but most of the time i think I'm putting a front on. I know the problems started when found out i was pregnant because i didn't expect it and didn't want it but my partner (who loves me dearly) wanted it so much, When DD was born i was making excuses for feeling so low, like its a big change & Its just baby blues & i still have baby weight & having no energy from broken sleep. So i would say when all that has passed and happened it will be OK......thing is all this has happened, its been 5 months, the weight has gone i look better than i did before, DD is giving me 8 hours a night nearly every night, I'm engaged to the perfect guy who loves me more than life, SO I should be happy!!!! but i still feel unhappy and down and irritable. I find it hard to concentrate and listen especially with my partner, and at bedtime although I'm tired it takes me ages to fall to sleep. I don't have a problem with DD whatsoever, she is my daughter and id do anything for her. I find it so easy to look after her and i feel like i have surprised myself at just how great i am with her! (i say "surprised" because i never had interest in children) I don't ever think i couldn't cope with her. I love her so much and she isn't my problem. I know i am my own problem, & i need help. I will just clarify some of the not wanting a baby part, When i was 16 i got pregnant through the condom splitting and a morning after pill, i had an abortion at about 16weeks and was treated like **** and not told anything about the procedure at all, immediately after i was given the pill injection which stopped my period for 4 years, and a further 2 years after i came off it. Throughout growing up after the abortion i convinced myself that id made a problem and i could never conceive because of what id put my body through, therefore i drilled it into my head that having babies would ruin my life. This i think is why ive been having all the problems...i dont know what to do.

Hi Bec,
I felt I had to respond as what you wrote resonates a lot with my own experience. Like you I had quite a good sex life before baby and now with a 9 months daughter is all gone.
Last week I finally picked up the phone to a PND helpline and they have rightly told me (after listening) to book an appt with my GP. I was surprised to see myself cry over the phone to them and this morning againg at my GP's.
I too feel that I've been putting on a brave front for too long and then it all came down on me... I really want to change this and get back to my own self.
You might be thinking it's nothing major and that you are kind of ok but you might struggle to do things. I'm mostly fine in term of caring for my daughter but struggle with house chores, work and find that I get emotional at anything.
If GP is not good for you speak to someone else: health visitor, friend, partner, relative. Find just one person to 'come out' to start the process of feeling better.
Hope this is helping somehow! xxx