I often check in and read the goings on of this website, though I have rarely written much, but it has become apparent to me what a lovely bunch of people you are, and so like many others have done, I appeal to you all for a spot of advice.

I have started at art college, in Hereford, and am very unhappy. I come from a beautiful area of west Wales, which is very rural, and Hereford is horribly busy and noisy. However it's not just this that upsets me, but trying to fit in with the others on the course.
Like most, if not all, of you, I feel very different from most people. I feel like a different species! Being 23 (though through illness, this is my first time away from home) I find myself inbetween the 18 year olds, and the 40 year olds. They all talk about stuff that means nothing to me and holds no interest. I need to try and be sociable, but I can't stand noisy nightclubs, I don't drink, and I'm scared of being Hereford after dark. I have never fit in anywhere, have always been an outsider, and wonder how I'm supposed to cope, for three years amongst all these people when I feel so alone, and just want to go back to the countryside.

Has anyone else had similar experiences? I really am very down about this, and don't know whether I want to continue with the course, but how do you cope with being different, when very few people understand you?

I would be extremely grateful for your thoughts, and promise to contribute to the board more, if you'll just help me a little bit...

Pixie wishes

I checked out your website, you're really good! And very beautiful, too.

On topic, there are probably at least some people in your school (or area) with compatible interests, the trick is finding them. Does your school have interest clubs, for example? Maybe you could find a hiking club (or "rambling") to join or something like that? Or, if not the school, then maybe in the area?

I took a quick jaunt on the web and dug up a couple:

http://www.ramblingclubs.com/ramblingclubs.php/Herefordshire/33/2/

Or maybe look here:

http://www.herefordshire.gov.uk/youthservice/22704.asp

Anyway, good luck, and let us know how it goes!

Thank you very much for your advice, Iw ill look at those websites. It's so kind of you to find them. And thanks for looking at my website also. Tutors at art college want to change me, so I don't know if I'll be able to continue making my faeries, but I do hope so, as they're very important to me.

Thanks again,

Pixie

I am reminded of part of the Labyrinth novelization where Jareth is talking to Sarah in the ballroom, dancing (there _is_ a certain amount of truth to this):

"And when you've found your way in, stay in your dream, Sarah." Jareth's eyes were looking straight into hers. His smile was serious. "Believe me. If you want to be truly free, wholly yourself - you do want that, don't you?"
Sarah nodded.
"Then you will find what you want only as long as you stay in your dream. Once abandon it, and you are at the mercy of other people's dreams. They will make of you what _they_ want you to be. Forget them, Sarah. Trust to your dream."

Don't ever give up on someting you love just because someone else wants you to. Even if you have to do it in your spare time, keep your hand in it. Go team go!

Write me if you ever want to talk to somebody else who doesn't fit in. (forgot to post that!)

Pixie,

My advice is to smile like you know something that nobody else knows. Enjoy the rantings of teenagers for what they are; enjoy the grumblings of lecturers and Mature-aged students for what they are. All the while, smiling.

Yours is a long life and you'll be where you should be soon enough. For now, experience and learn - but never change who you are.

Tough times build us up for something big. You want to be able to take opportunities when they arise.

Your website is charming and your work is beautiful.
Press on with your learning and look for some wisdom in the words of those trying to 'change' you. Stay true to yourself, but never stop growing either.

Good luck to you

Favorite Froud Book? Goblins!

Dear Pixie,
So sorry to hear you're feeling unhappy. You've only just started upon this chapter of your life though, its very early days.
I was already aware of your beautiful sculpts, and to have such talent at such a young age is astounding. It may seem to you that tutors will try to change you, even that you will be taking a substantial step back from what you've already accomplished, but you will also be learning such wonderful new things that will help you with your art or, if nothing else, show you a direction in which you do not chose to follow.
I wish I had some practical advice to offer, but I'm afraid that I also never found the secret to "Fitting in" with others. As you so rightly pointed out, a lot of people on this forum will have experienced that feeling of almost being of a different species, and it can feel terribly lonely. All I can do is assure you that you are NOT alone. I used to spend many hours at college in a warm corner of the library, reading everything they had on art, folklore and fairytales {I'm very grateful now for the things I learnt!} There were a few people I could talk to, even less who understood me. We didn't have the joy of the internet in those days, and all the wonderful communities and friendships that spring from shared interests. I didn't really find a kindred soul until I met my partner, and now that we have children I find exactly the same thing happening to me again in the school playground as I fail to "fit in" with other mothers.
You are evidently intelligent, articulate, attractive, and have the wonderful ability to express your imagination through your art. The first year at college is ALWAYS the hardest,{for everyone, truly - even those who look like they're loving it!} but it will get better. It must seem like people are deviating into groups and closing ranks, but this won't last either. People crave what is familiar, just as you are craving the familiar of beautiful Wales and that Celtic spirit therein. You may never be interested in what interests them, but that really is ok - you're different, and should be proud of that fact. You will naturally attract kindred souls in time, probably without even thinking about it. And there is a definate strength of character in you, its really very clear in your writing...
Whatever happens, or whatever you choose, you will do very well indeed.
Best wishes and many faery blessings to you!

Favorite Froud Book? Good Faeries/Bad Faeries

Hi Pixie!

I'm a master at fitting in..my family moved a lot while I was growing up and had to fit in (find friends) for sanity's sake since I don't get along with my family...and trust me I don't think you want to fit in!
There are most certainly others like you in the course (that are out of sorts and not rooted yet) and you will find them (or they will find you), but they are probably also trying to figure out how to fit in (or not) I agree with the person that said that it is early on yet...and things will get better...you'll find your niche in the group. What you are feeling now is most likely the shock of transplanting. Maybe find a coffeeshop or bookstore with a bulletin board of workshops/clubs/meetings etc and start exploring things beyond the school campus. I know the library was my favorite haunt in University (well that and the redwood forest right by the school)

Maybe you could hunt down a park that you feel safe in and spend time there...When I was growing up in the desert I had a little park with a willow tree in it that I would sit under and dream. It was my lifesaver there (LOL I still have a wreath I made of her boughs in my home)
Sorry for rambling on so much...
Take care of yourself, feed your soul and keep bringing those lovely magical creatures into this world (maybe you can find some city fae to sculpt)...
Blessings!

Can I just say that I have never met a lovlier bunch of people? It's quite amazing, and so valuable to me, to find folk that do understand what it's like to be a butterfly trapped in a jar, so to speak.
I am trying to come to terms with the fact that it's okay to be different from the rest. Secretly, I've always quite liked me, although it is admittedly very hard sometimes to live in this world.
I sat for a while today under a lovely beech tree, in a park beside the cathedral. I fed a trio of pidgeons and had chance to be alone and myself. It was the first time since being here that I had a glimpse of happiness.
So thank you all for your very kind, and very helpful thoughts. I am so glad I decided to appeal for your advice, which has been of more use to me than anything anyone has said to my face these past few days. You are all quite lovely.

Pixie wishes

re: Like most, if not all, of you, I feel very different from most people

Why? Because we use oracle cards? Because we commune with other realms? So, bare with me while I go into Crone mode here (at the wise old age of 45 *chuckle*). In our twenties, I think we tend to feel different from everyone else to begin with. We haven't settled into our own skins, and neither have those around us. Add to this a belief system that other people find flakey and I can see why you would feel isolated.

The reality is, no human is that much different from the next. You don't have to talk about your spiritual beliefs to anybody. They are who you are, and don't really need to be discussed unless you find people who open the door for discussion (like this forum). Instead, you gravitate to people with the same core values as you. And that takes time to filter through the masses.

Hang in there, and try to view your world with wonder. It's okay to sit back and observe and not partake in the drinking or crazy partying, but it's also okay to be amused by the silly antics (as long as they aren't dangerous) of those around you. Write about it! Draw it! You are an artist and this is fodder for you art.

As for your tutors discouraging you painting faeries, I suspect they are discouraging you ONLY painting faeries. There are 65 cards in the Froud deck because it's about being well rounded. I am a writer and only wrote non-fiction humourous antecdotes. Recently, I was encouraged to branch into fiction, something I thought I could NEVER do, and yet not only have I found I can do it, I LOVE doing it. And it is making my non-fiction writing better.

Okay, end of Crone rant (she says with a maternal smile). I hope it's better for you now, but if you are still struggling please continue to write in this forum or email me.

Feel like it has all been said beautifully already- conceptually this is a small moment in time of your life, learn, watch listen, you will be moving on soon enough but for now like a 9-5 day job, you find the good bits in it and get through glean the valuable bits knowing it will not last forever you will be running out that door at some point :) . I just wanted to throw in some support from a former sullen artsy type as they called me so untrue but just to show you a bright cheerful artist who didn't want to be a drone was mislabled in a non-creative school but their not understanding me never changed me. If anything act through it, these are not your permanent future family or life its just a stage, so act upon the stage- take in what builds you up and leave that stage one day strong and wise. That you even care means you will have the ability to stay true to yourself- some sadly will assimilate and disappear into the masses- I know you won't.

Favorite Froud Book? All!

I must confess to having a similar experience at University. If I'd known what I do now beginning my time it would have been a lot happier - so listen up!

You're probably a little scared and unsure of yourself. People are trying to make you someone different and perhaps you believe that you should be. What I say is BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. To your own self be true.

I was incredably embarrassed about explaining my ideas and concepts to other people. They didn't seem valid/important enough for some reason. I didn't seem important enough. Art is about looking at the world in a different way and if you have a different perspective you can show people something they haven't seen before. At College/Uni a lot of the art is just sensationalism. Don't be fooled by it.

If you have found your voice sing in it. A lot of the tasks tutors set you are for the people who haven't. Be confident of your style, independant and tell them what you want to do. They will respect you. Remember, you are not there for THEM, they are there for YOU. You are paying they. You are essentially their employer. Use them to your advantage, to develop what you want to develop. Bounce ideas. You will find helpful stuff in there. The key really is to sit down and work out 'Right, what do I want to get out of this?'

As for the social aspect I agree with the societies idea. Find the students union and ask them what societies there are. (It doesn't even have to be your union, lots of them take members from outside). Or ideed any local clubs for interests you have. Personally I found more friends this way than I ever did on my course. It might help to be forwards sometimes, say 'You seem nice what's your number.' If you find someone you click with you don't want to loose contact!

Anyway, hope that is somewhat helpful.

Favorite Froud Book? good faeries/bad faeries

i agree with all of the above. I am 26 and all of my friends (cept 2 school friends) are older then me, my husband is 14 yrs older then me! so don't discount the wiser people in your group for they can be the best friends you will ever have....honestly take it from someone who knows!

And be yourself, be different i love being different from everyone else and its the sheep people who will be looking at you enviously because you are spirited and certainly fey!

find an area in Hereford thats green and make it your countryside, buy lots of pot plants and flowers for your room, there is wildlife in cities and large towns you just have to find it!! I am a semi country girl myself and couldn't imagine living in a concrete jungle so you just have to find the greenery! there must be parks in Hereford?

Much love to you and hope you find the happiness that is there waiting for you. Don't give up on your dream you will regret i am sure

Zoe xx

An idea inspired by an above post- search My Space/facebook under search terms like Hereford fairy/faerie/fey things like that and find someone there local or close by and drop a line hello. Maybe even do a Google search (use the google blog search function too) under those terms too and see if there is a great shop or artist tucked away in the area that you would like to meet- who knows someone might be out there on a small hidden street wondering where unique creative people like you are.

Favorite Froud Book? All!

Oh my God, Pixie, just went through the exact same thing myself. I come from a quiet Massachusetts suburb, decided to go to a University in Boston.
It was complete Bedlam. The kids were all soooo artsy and "sophisticated" it made me want to vomit and then eat it (ok, that's gross, but you get what I mean).
Also, it was 90% other females. This might sound strange, but sometimes I like to talk about cars and go to metal concerts. Half the kids there did ballet. Eww.
Added to that, the administration all acted really strange around me because I got the university in trouble with the federal government over this mistake they made with my financial aid (don't ask).

In short, it was not for me. I knew it, and I bailed as fast as I could. I don't know if I'd advise you to do the same Pixie, it's really your decision. I guess what it comes down to is, are you getting what you want out of that college academically? That can be the real tipping point.I had so many problems when I started with this university that I actually could not cope with the administration AND the classes, the real reason I was there.

As a P.S., if you ever have any trouble with the financial aid system at your college, come to me. Unfortunately, I know practically everything about being a college financial counselor by now.You wouldn't believe how crooked some of these institutions are.I found out the really hard way.

Hmm, I don't handle being different so well. I too crave the country though I have no lived there since I was very young.
Remind yourself that you are there to complete the course so you might be your best different and thrive amongst those normal people. Show them how it is done!
I have to remind myself of the seem thing I am working on my piece and hopefully do wonderous things with it. We, your kin, are out there. Just hold on until we can all find one another!
It will suck for a time, but in the end, it will be wonderful. Hold on! Talk to us whenever you need, we are here. :D
-Good Thoughts, Alex

I admit I spent much of college not making friends! I went to an art school in the city, where a lot of students were into modern, abstract art. Don't get me wrong, that style has its own merits and beauties but my school wasn't a welcome place for those into fantasy and faery art - or realistic art. If you've seen the movie "Art School Confidential," the critique scenes aren't unrealistic. I didn't really feel comfortable until I started taking illustration courses and a children's book course; my fine art painting / drawing studio courses made me feel like an outcast because I put more mythical elements into art that wasn't abstract.
I had my friends outside of school though. And I still have some of those same friends. I don't regret not being social with people at college because they just weren't the right kindred spirits for me.

I made it through my courses, learning what I needed to and more. This may not be the route for you, Pixie, but I wanted to share my experience so you know there are other people who had to go through that, and many more who have to go through that now. That's why forums like this one are so valuable in finding people you can relate to.

Funny enough, one of my best friends/faery sister attended the same school, during the same time period as me. She was in a different department though and we didn't meet till several years after graduation. We happened to meet on this board and found out we lived in the same city.

You have a lot of talent; your dolls and bears are lovely and look well-crafted. I think you could be successful doing what you love.

First - {{{{hugs}}}} to you. I spent most of my childhood/adolescence not fitting in. I was in fact the kid that everyone beat up on. I went to Art school for college as well and while there I answered a few questions about who I was and what I wanted but I ended up with lots of new questions. This is not a bad thing, as the quest for answers is part of life. School was a transformative time in my life, both the good and the challenging times shaped me, and I would not go back and undo do them now.

OK enough about me, the first year of anything is often the hardest. Transitions and major changes are stressful to the psyche and the body, but they are part of life and growth. For some reason as I read your post and the other responses I was visited by the vision of a butterfly emerging from its chrysalis. I am sure the process is not very comfortable and the shift from a wiggling caterpillar existance to that of a lovely flying creature must be beyond confusing. Yet, they do it and the make their way through their new life with what looks like joy.

I don't know if that image makes any sense to anyone else but me, but in my head I'm seeing you as the confused butterfly just opening her wings for the first time in an unfamiliar world and trying to get your bearings. No longer a caterpillar but not sure how to fly.

As for coping with teachers and mentors trying to change you, they are. What is the point of going to college if not to change your understanding, broaden your views of the world, and give you new tools/skills to use in the world beyond school? This does NOT mean that you should deviate from what you hold true and important to yourself, but to open your eyes to other ways of thinking and other ways of approaching challenges. The more challenges that are placed before you that you can overcome the better prepared you will be to face BIG ones later on in life. Listen to what they have to say, learn new skills and new ways of looking at things, and in the end if they don't fit into what you want to do file them away and move on to things that do fit better.

When in art school I took several classes that I felt were not really helpful or leading me in a direction I did not want really want to go in. But, at the time I stuck them out to get the credits and move on to the stuff I really wanted to do. With the clarity of hindsight I don't think that any of them were really a waste of my time/efforts. All of them taught me something, if only that they gave me a very clear sense of why I did not want to follow that path. Many of them gave me tools/skills that have come in handy years and years later.

As for fitting in, that's a conundrum. Trying to "fit in" is often gives me psychic bruises. Like a puzzle pieces squashed into the wrong spot. For what it's worth I'd say be patient with yourself and keep your eyes open for people you feel comfortable with. Try new activities, you may be surprised by what you enjoy. To this day in social settings (familar or unfamiliar ones) I feel more comfortable if I have a role or a job to do. This may sound odd, but I find it easier to volunteer at socials. I'm shy and find it hard to reach out and make small talk, but if I'm ... say ... on the decorating committee I would get to meet the others doing that same job and that would give me a few people to connect with at the school social. I agree with the suggestion that you find the Student Union or activities office or your school's equivilant and see what there is to do in the area, see if there are groups you could check out or things to volunteer for. Check out the wider Hereford area to see if there are things there that would be a better fit.

But most of all, be patient with yourself, your wings are not dry yet and you still need to get the bearings on your new life.

Hugs,

Sarra