The teacher gave her fifth grade class an

assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories:

"Johnny do you have a story to share?"

Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Nancy. She was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops.

She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, Killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."

"Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher. "What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from this horrible story?"

"Stay the Fuck Away from Aunt Nancy when she's drinking."

what's the definition of the bravest man in the world?
the man who comes home drunk,covered in lipstick and smelling of perfume,then slaps his wife on the backside and "says your next, fatty"