Given Derrick Brown’s assertion that he has the support of the major shareholders, we decided we had to track one down and find out the facts about one major shareholder's involvement with East Fife and their relationship with Derrick Brown. Part One of the interview is reproduced below. It should not be considered as being entirely factual on account of me having obviously fabricated the whole thing.

The Undisputed: Thanks for taking the time to talk with us today.

Shareholder Type: That’s okay but my mummy says I’ve to be finished by 3:00 cos I’m going to my friend Becky’s birthday party. She’s going to be nine you know, and there’ll be games and a clown.

TU: Ah, speaking of clowns, can you confirm that you fully support Derrick Brown?

ST: Who’s Derrick Brown?

TU: Er, the Chairman of East Fife FC. Small man with big ears and a nasal voice.

ST: Oh, Uncle Derrick. Well, he’s not my real uncle, we just call him that. I think he works with mummy’s friend Neil. I thought Uncle Derrick was the Chairman of Dumbarton but I’m not sure, it’s all very confusing.

TU: Quite. Do you think ‘Uncle’ Derrick’s doing a good job?

ST: Well his team always seems to get beat but he says it’s not his fault, it’s because of a man dressed as a chicken.

TU: I see. But he claims to have exciting plans for the Club.

ST: Ha ha, yes I heard him saying he was going to have a plastic football pitch. I’m only eight but even I know that’s stupid.

TU: Is ‘Uncle’ Derrick nice to you or does he think children should be seen and not heard?

ST: No, that’s what he says about his other Directors.

TU: Oh. Does he tell you jokes and stuff?

ST: Hmm, not really but I heard him telling Neil a joke which I didn’t understand.

TU: Can you remember the joke?

ST: Yes, he said, “What’s red and throbs between a Director’s legs?”

TU: Okay, and what was it.

ST: “A Lansing Bagnall Twin-Forks” … whatever that is.

TU: Ahem, okay.

Further excerpts from the interview may follow later. The Undisputed would like to point out that he is a member of various organisations including the Automobile Association, The Ambassadeur Snooker Club and the Cellardyke & District Bird-Fanciers Association, but that the above interview should not be construed as being in any way connected with any of them.

Gof'll have this off immediately he sees it. can't wait for the next episode. Best laugh i've had today.
Think Derrick's off to Newcastle for a bouncy castle to go with the plastic pitch.

Er, why would I???

And besides, last time I pulled anything off belonging to The Undisputed things got very messy

Great stuff. We want more.

Apologies Gof my mistake. Thought the interview was a bit too poignant. Was Derrick there today or not? Chicken seems to come to mind!!

Now we'll find out if she has Uncle Derrick jumping through hoops......

hula hoops

and playing in her wendy house too.