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East Fife

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Apr 23, 2006 - 11:22AM

Are YOU Derrick Brown?

1.After numerous meetings with supporters, many suggestions are made from fans asking for kids to get free entry into some home games. Do you..

A) Politely reject the idea, stating that it would not work.
B) Tell the fans that it could be a good idea and inform them you are willing to try it out.
C) Tell them that “it would not work” and shoot all the suggestions down in flames, then wait until there are fully blown protests against your stewardship, do a complete U-turn and try it out.

2.Supporters are conducting a peaceful protests against your stewardship on the nearby mound. Do you..

A) Consider the fact that you might be mis-managing the club and invite the supporters to put forward their ideas, whilst promising to do better.
B) Admit defeat and resign, stating that you were not doing a good enough job.
C) Bulldoze the mound and try to obstruct their view of the game, that will teach those bastards.

3.The supporters Trust offers the club £10,000 with no strings attached to buy a small amount of shares in the club. Do you..

A) Accept the offer with open arms and realise the great benefits for the club on a whole.
B) Grudgingly accept the offer to avoid any confrontation and disruption at the club.
C) Lie to other directors so that the Trust only get half the shares, then before they are due to get their second allocation, deny it with a secret ballot vote, then tell more lies and savage them at the clubs AGM.

4.You have been an East Fife supporter for 50 years. Do you..

A) Hitch-hike to Stranraer for a midweek relegation battle.
B) Miss the birth of your first son because East Fife were playing Raith Rovers in the Fife Cup.
C) Go and be a director at Cowdenbeath FC.

5. The semi-retired kitman tells you the kit bags for away games are getting a bit heavy. Do you..

A) Offer to give him a hand.
B) Find someone else to give him a hand.
C) Get the manager to take less kit.

6. The manager is unhappy at having to reduce the kit for away games. Do you..

A) Apologise, and offer to help out with the kit.
B) Apologise, and find someone else to help out with the kit.
C) Tell him that they shouldn’t be taking towels anyway because the players could spread HIV amongst themselves.

7. You receive a book of raffle tickets from the supporters Trust, with some of the proceeds going to a local hospice. Do you..

A) Gladly sell your tickets, knowing full well of the difference you are making.
B) Buy the tickets yourself to avoid any fuss.
C) Send the tickets back because the Trust should be raising money for the club, and not some daft charity, oh and tell the board members to send theirs back too.

8. In a discussion with your major shareholder and backer, which topic do you spend 3 hours debating?

A) How can we embrace all supporters organisations and build bridges to achieve success at East Fife FC?
B) If you are the right person for the job, and should you consider stepping down?
C) Who is better, James Blunt or Robbie Williams?

9. Angry supporters are stepping up their protests in a bit to have you removed as soon as possible. Do you..

A) Resign with immediate effect.
B) Make a heartfelt plea to the fans to attempt to change your ways.
C) Write ten anonymous letters to the local paper pretending to be supporters and attack the protests, and also drop in a few comments about how well you are doing. Then hope nobody notices.

10. The turnover in the lounge before and after home games is pretty poor. Do you..

A) Do nothing, but hope that it gets better.
B) Put on some special offers and live football to try and win customers back.
C) Tell people that they are not real supporters if they drink anywhere else on a Saturday.

How did you score?

a) = 1 point
b) = 2 points
c) = 3 points

10 to 15 points, you have quite a bit to go before you could call yourself a right-thinking person.

16-25 points, you can be a bit of an arse sometimes but you hide it well

26-30 points, well done! You are an egoistic, paranoid, deluded little maniac who suffers from a severe case of “small man syndrome”. You will go forth to wear your blazer and fight for that golden carrot which is the plastic pitch, providing a healthy pension and jobs for your family for all eternity!