There was a young fellow named Willy
Who acted remarkably silly:
At an All-Nations ball,
Dressed in nothing at all,
He claimed that his costume was Chile.

Said a foolish householder of Wales,
"An odor of coal gas prevails,
She then struck a light,
And later that night,
Was collected in seventeen pails.

There's a notable family named Stein,
There's Gertrude, there's EP, and there's Ein,
Gert's prose is the bunk,
Ep's sculpture is junk,
And no one can understand Ein.

A lady removing her scanties,
Heard them crackle electrical chanties,
Said her husband, "My Dear,
I very much fear,
You suffer from amps in your panties."

Rosalina, a pretty young lass,
Had a truly magnificent ass:
Not rounded and pink,
As you possibly think,
It was gray, had long ears, and ate grass.

A pansy who lived in Khartoum,
Took a lesbian up to his room,
And they argued a lot,
About who would do what,
And how and with which and to whom.

There once was a young girl named Jeanie,
Whose Dad was a terrible meanie,
He fashioned a latch,
and a hatch for her snatch,
She could only be had by Houdini.

There was a young lad from Ayr
Who fancied a fu*k on the stair
On the very last stroke
The bannister broke
So he finished his fu*k on the flair

There once was a man called Brown,
Who thought he was king of the town,
All right-thinking folk,
Did splutter and choke,
Insisting that he was a clown.

A supporter for 50-odd years?
It's a fib that drives us to tears,
Because we know that Broon,
Is a lying buffoon,
When he goes we will drink many beers.

marvelous, just marvelous what talent abounding in the fan base, keep it coming lads this is great.

There was a young man from Montrose
Who did dirty things under bed clothes
His mother once said, while making his bed
He's a bugger for blowing his nose

There was a fud called Derrick
Who was hired by Jools to cleric
He stood so aloof
When sacked by the poof
And now the fans all sherrick

I'm a bigger Limerick composer than you.

TWO POODLES CALLED DAVIE AND KENNY
SCRUPLES THEY HIVNAE GOT ANY
THEY BACK ME ALL THE WAY
"AT THE END OF THE DAY"
I'LL LEAVE THEM WITHOUT A PENNY


RIGHT THINKING DIRECTORS AGREE
THE BEST THING FOR EAST FIFE IS ME
WITH THE BACKING OF TWIGG
I DON'T GIVE A FIG
SO GET IT RIGHT UP YEE

There's a fitba club called East Fife
They're in all sorts of trouble and strife
The Chairman decrees
No-one's a bigger fan than me
Apart from right-minded folk, and my wife

Near the bottom of the Third Division
There's a man whose characters seen in derision
His name is Deek Brown
He's known as a clown
But won't make the proper decision

On the mound down at Bayview
Stands the Methil protest crew
When Derrick Brown
Heard them call him a clown,
He said "I'm a bigger supporter than you"

Back in the days
When Deuchar was praised
And Moffat was King of the Hill
Derek smiled at Bayview
Coz him and his crew
Had paid off the leccy bill

A wee man called Deek was a boola
But saw himself as some kind of mullah
He ranted and raved
And declared the club saved
And himself the overall rulla.

feckin fantastic, i havent had such a good laugh any other time this year. brilliant !

There was a young man, Dr Deuchs,
Who wasn't well known for his looks,
He said 'never mind,
I'm sure I can find,
Happy times playing for Brookes'.

A man called Deek sat and he cussed,
His empire was turning to rust,
A woman called Betty,
Asked why he was sweaty,
All he said was that 'I blame the Trust'.

East Fife were flying so high
a goal from Deuchar was why
Then along came Brown
we were back down
Now all we're famed for is a pie

There wiz an auld man they called Broon
Un he wiz the talk o the toon
His talks were a bore
like the blazer he wore
But no is bad as we saw on the park!!!!

At a board meeting Derrick declared,
The protestors think that we are scared,
I will tell them we're not,
And they're lucky they've got,
A saviour like me who has cared.

In his own world our Derrick was King,
'Our saviour' his subjects would sing,
but then he awoke,
with a splutter and choke,
And thought leadership wasn't his thing.

man alive ! , we should do a wee paperback, this is magic stuff.

Deek says he's Fife thru and thru
A bigger fan than you, you and you
As he averted his eyes
The pie stall sold swan pies
And the Trust all died of bird flu

"I'm a bigger supporter than you"
Said Derrick to the BURGER crew,
They jeered in disgust,
He jumped on his bus,
Just as they started to boo.

There was a young girl from Penzance
Who got on a bus in Northhants
Apaart from the conductor
Ten others fu*ked her
And the driver came twice in his pants

There was a young laddie from Leven
With testicles rather uneven
The one on the right
Gave the young girls a fright
And the one on the left had them heavin'.


There was an auld fella from Methil
Who, on Fridays, preferred to be Ethel
He cut quite a dash
But developed a rash
From the sweat off the tights round his pestle...

"I am 100 woman"
"Rix's court case is looming"
"So I phoned up the saviour Deek"
"To say Rix will be gone in a week"
"And Betty's so ugly she needs grooming"

Although my team play in blue
The following is simply true
As I'll always say
At the end of the day
I'm a far bigger supporter than you!

There was a young player from Tottenham,
His manners he'd gone and forgotten 'em.
One day at the doc's
He took off his socks,
Because he complained he felt hot in 'em.


There was a young player from Crewe
Who seldom found that much to do.
For an hour or so H
e ran to and fro
And after he ran fro and



There was a young striker from Clyde
Who hated his eggs boiled or fried.
When asked to say why,
'It's just because I
Am a poacher by trade,' he replied.

Little Jack Horner once took a corner
And belted the ball so high.
With the keeper upset, if went straight in the net.
So he said, `What a good boy am I'

A striker from somewhere in Kent
Took free kicks which dipped and then bent.
In a match on the telly
He gave one some welly
And the keeper the wrong way he sent.

There was a young player called Kelly
Who couldn't play 'cos of his belly
When he ran on the pitch,
He caused a big ditch,
So he just watches games on the telly.

There once was a footballing cat
Who played in a black bowler hat.
When he ran down the wing
He could not see a thing
And you can guess what the crowd thought of that!

There was a young striker from Spain
Who hated to play in the rain.
One day in a muddle
He stepped in a puddle
And got washed away in a drain.

A team of footballers from Stroud
Had supporters who shouted too loud.
When all ceased their din,
Goals just rocketed in,
So now they're a much quieter crowd.


A football pitch groundsman from Leeds
Went and swallowed a packet of seeds.
In less than an hour
His head was in flower
And his feet were all covered in weeds.

A player who turned out for Dover
Had no shirt, so he wore a pullover.
But the thing was too long
And he put it on wrong,
So that all he could do was fall over.



There was a young striker from Reading
Who bumped his brow on a door at a wedding.
It made his head swell
But he said `Just as well,
'Cos now I'll improve on my heading.'

A footballer in from the States
Was paid at very high rates.
But when he lost touch
He wasn't worth much.
Now he just kicks around with his mates.

There was a goalkeeper called Walter
Who played on the island of Malta.
But his kicks were so long
And the wind was so strong,
That the ball ended up in Gibraltar.

Was it City, United or Town
Got promoted and then went back down?
It was one of the three,
But it mystifies me,
Which is why I walk round with a frown.

There was a young player from Clyde
Took a penalty kick that went wide.
That next match his brother
Well, he missed another
And now neither can get in the side.

The wonderful Wizard of Oz
Retired from football because,
When he tried to run fast
His legs didn't last
'Cos he wasn't the wizard he was.


A footballing lad named Paul
Could do fabulous things with a ball.
In one of his tricks,
With a series of flicks,
He managed to knock down a brick wall..


A striker who came from Devizes
Did little to help to win prizes.
When asked for a reason,
He said, `Well, this season
My boots were of two different sizes.'

Mary had a little lamb
Who played in goal a lot.
It let the ball go though its legs
So now it's in the pot.