http://www.scottishfa.co.uk/referee_profile.cfm?viewprofile=1&refereeid=20250572&viewcategory=1

The son of our ex-chairman

'Why did you become a referee? My dad was a referee and I went to games with him and met a lot of referees. I used to go to referees training with my dad and knew some of the referees in Fife so when I was 15 I decided to attend the referees course in Fife'

My Dad was a referee too - at no point has myself or my brother EVER been interested in following on! We used to go along to training sometimes - I'd rather have my eyes poked out with a sharp stick than train for that purpose!!!

From the interview:
"Dress up or dress down? Dress up"
Oh aye?

He used to take his Ref outfit to Kirkland and try to referee the games of football at lunchtime.

Whit a tube.

I've certainly never seen him at Bayview before. Strange that an East Fife supporter for 50 years was never seen taking his son to a home game...

He's got the same date of birth as me, hope tae feck it wisnae a mix up and I am really Derricks seed

are you fat and ugly, with a swollen head and an IQ of 25?

if so, then I can confirm you are the spawn of the devil

At the end of the day, I did the same interview when I was a ref 50 years ago.


Date of Birth: 25 December 1898

Height: 4ft 9

Weight: 22st

Profession: Chairman, board member and pillar of the community!

First ever match: East Fife V Hearts, March 15th 1903

First international match: erm.... no comment.

Career highlights: Recieving phonecalls from 100 women after my bold stance on Mr Rix.

What does being a football referee mean to you? Well, being a small man it gives me a feeling of power, I was never any good at football so this is another way of being the big man. I get free tickets for Scotland games and a blazer too.

Why did you become a referee? My friend Julian got me into it.

Would you have wished to become a full-time referee? Yes, but most folk hate me.

Any pet hates in football? Supporters, they never shut up.

What Law of the Game would you change? Trusts, they are a stain on the game and a big off field challenge.

The most difficult Law to apply? Sending the tax returns back on time.

Your best memory in football? Getting those pesky fans told up at Arbroath, I really showed them who was boss.

Other sports or hobbies? Wearing a blazer, getting on boards, freebies.

Your main strength? I am smart, powerful, important and women can't resist me.

And main weaknesses? People get jealous of great men.

What's in your car CD player? I don't know, I can't hear it for my bluetooth earpiece and the 100 women speaking on it.

Beer or wine? Yes please, just send them up to the boardroom.

Favourite film? The one of me giving the fans a roasting at Arbroath, Betty says I did really well and made a good account of myself.

Tastiest food? Anything free really.

Favourite holiday destination? Wherever I can get free SFA tickets to.

Luck or judgement? Judgement, naturally.

Dress up or dress down? A tie and blazer, and my shirt tucket into my y-fronts, with the belt holding up my man-baps.

Whom would you most like to meet? David Murray, he's had the same problems as me, we chairmen need to stick together.

Ambitions? I am the best, I can't go any further.

Any advice for young referees? Give up, it'll never work.

deserves bump