From the Book of Ejecticus
Chapter 2006: the Final Verses

And it came to pass that Julian, Kin of Dans did love young boys.And so he was wrapped in chains and put into the Darkness that is called Town of Saught.
And then came a false prophet Deekus of the Brownhue.

Now Deekus was a plain man, a helper of scribes but verily did he think himself annointed and of high. And he vowed that he would rid his tribe of all men not of his colour, and especially the one who was called Black.

Thus Deekus led some simple fishermen to a point that is called the View of the Bay. And thereupon he did promise them riches and wealth and that special garment that is called a Directors’ Tie.

When the fishermen saw this Lo they were agasp with excitement for little ever happened in their home which men call the Place of the Deer. And they did plead with Deekus to lead them.

But they did not know that Deekus spoke falsely and that he sought only for himself and that he did covet the Blessed Chair of Man from which all the power of the tribe did emit.

So it came to pass that Deekus did sleek himself into the Chair of the Man. And there was soon much weeping and gnashing of teeth.

The young men who played their sport did gnash their teeth. The tribal followers who did on the Sabbath (as it was in the olde days) bring gold, yea verily each fourteen days did gnash their teeth. The local merchants despaired and upped their tents and did leave.

And a darkness came upon the land that they call the Hill of Met


Is there a happy ending?

Chapter 2006.1

But low and behold a saviour came from the west named Willie of the Ofwhite who challenged the false prophet Deekus - and in a duel usurped the leadership of Deekus - and Willie of the Ofwhite was appointed the new leader - But sly old Deekus kept plotting against the leadership of Willie and was eventually banished from the land and told never to return on pain of death - and the people celebrated as Deekus of the Brownhue was banished from the land with his tail between his legs.

Chapter The Ending
The people all rose up,rejoicing,singing,and dancing,hallelujah hallelujah

And lo a chicken dost appeareth from the north pushing a wheelbarry.
And the toadish one was placed in the barry by the cheering masses and was deposited in the river.
Much joy was pent forth and everyone went and got pished. Amen.

And yeah! There cometh but three to the mound on the Sabbath led by a fat one with no covering on his head. The three unwise fools rageth at the multitudes who had planketh their bottoms on seats. But the multitudes just laugheth and smate them with pies and bade them go forth and pith off.

HALLELUJAH ! HALLELUJAH! THE CHOSEN ONE IS RETURNING ZACHARIAH or zak as everyone who knows him

In the midst of the chaos there did enter one Eugenus to give rise to the supporticus trustus to be led by Allani Duthic.They did enter into verbals with Deekus so spritely that he did give rise to a severe case of verbalus diarrhoeaus.This malady did manifest itself in an outflowing of "the trustus is the biggest off field problem facing my regus fife east"

This illness did reveal itself once more during a sojourn to the land of the red lichties when he doth spout " if thou dost think that thee art a bigger supporter of regus fife east than I, then I shalt tell ye, ye art not" thus providing the assemble throng with much mirth and glee.

This strange unableness to overcome this sad infliction put upon Deekus is yet cast upon him leaving he in isolation for fear of the smit.Thus far even the tenderness of a century of maidens has not seen this sickness gone.

Absolutely brilliant guys. I'm sitting here with tears of laughter & everyone around me wondering what is making shake!!

Just FAB!!!

From Dave's post - "if thou dost think that thee art a bigger supporter of regus fife east than I, then I shalt tell ye, ye art not"
Class, pure class!!

And it came to pass, in the wake of the demise of Deekus, that he did museth over what the fucketh to do now. And Deekus did seek guidance and he contemplateth a return to the great unwashed lands of Regus Fife Central from whence he hame. And verily Deekus did travel west and knocketh on the great gate of Centralus Amphitheatre. Alas the voice from within the great ash bank sayeth "go forth and copulateth as thou hast already been cast out from this place". And verily Deekus went forth to the Ark Builders of the Burnt Lands, desperate he may yet weareth his SFA toga.

A fable entitled 'The Great Plan'...

And the Lord said unto Betty, “Woman - I have a Great Plan.” And Betty proclaimed, “Shut up dear, you’re not really God.” But Derrick he protesteth, and cried, “We shall make bread and the multitudes, they shall be fed.” “Okay,” said Betty, “I’ll do some sandwiches.” “But remember, if you get kicked out, I’m taking my bread bin back.” “I shall call upon my disciple Kenneth, that fisher of men, to assist us,” Derrick announced, “and the Kingdom shall be mine.”

“And what of your faithful disciple David H.”, enquired Betty, “what say he?” “Mmm, probably fuck all as usual,” responded her smirking husband. "We’ll send him to collect tumblers!” “And the others?” Betty persisted. “Aah, Andrew and David S. – they’ll probably be ‘out of the country on holiday at the time’. The chances be far greater that Arsene Wenger doth see an incident where Thierry Henry hath much guilt than of those two seeing through my Great Plan.”

And so the Plan was actioned, and for a time he who believed himself the Lord turned but a few fishes and a single loaf into much feasting. Was it a miracle? Well, more the result of an accounting oversight during Anglian Water Group’s takeover of Morrison Construction to be honest (but that’s neither here nor there).

And during this time, the fat feasted plentily, upon bread and fish and the Chairman’s arse. “Tastes like coconut,” they would proclaim. “Aye, it’s Bounty” the jester would reply. And they would chortle.

Aah, but even as they would feast and gloat, the masses were assembling on yonder hill. But the cunning and brave Derrick had anticipated the uprising, and vowed to defend himself against the peasants, whenupon they would challenge his castle - or at least he’d get Betty to do it while he hid under the Boardroom table.

Aah, but the Plan was flawed. He who had taken on the form of the Lord had need to show off his tricks. He would gather around him those to whom he would boast. This would be his downfall. From the West came a cry. “Any old iron?” went the yell. And Derrick’s dreams were destined to be damned. For he from the West had an ally in The Grim Reaper, Collumbine. Together they would scrap the devious one’s Plan and bury him into history.

And so it came to pass, that on a dark and mysterious Saturday morning, a Gray flash did occur and Satan, who had been masquerading as God was banished from the Holy Ground … forever. Amen.

Brilliant!!!!!!!!!!!

And it came to pass, a short while after he becometh a director at the Ark Builders of the Burnt Lands, that Deekus spouteth so much pish there came a great flood. And Deekus decreed that the people of the Burnt Lands must enter an Ark in pairs. And the people did enter two by two until the the man of the chair tried to come on board, when Deekus sayeth "it hath been decreed that no wife of the man of the chair is allowed". And it causeth a great row.

Had to get this back up the top, sheer class

And yeah, after many days, the pish waters did recede and the ark cometh to rest on a mound. But lo! The mound had already been conquered and was known as the Land of Zakus the Great Protestor, who had letteth the dugs oot many years before. And Zakus did see the ark on his lands and he saw that it was not good and verily he kicketh in the heed of Deekus and telleth him to get tae fucketh.